


god only knows (what i’d be without you)

by sundripped



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, donghyuck and renjun being their fabulous self, jaemsung being annoying bros to each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 19:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20314711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundripped/pseuds/sundripped
Summary: “So, we realized we had romantic feelings a few months before graduating high school and we both kinda let it slide because both of us aren’t sure if we’re going to the same university.” Jeno recited perfectly as if it was an actual memory from the past, “But then we did, and we decided to try going on dates before being exclusive with each other.”Jaemin smiled, enjoying how indulgent Jeno was being as his mind wandered to an alternate universe where it did happen. “Sounds like a good story.”(In which Jaemin reluctantly asked for his BFF aka the love of his life, Lee Jeno, to be his fake boyfriend for a family dinner)





	god only knows (what i’d be without you)

**Author's Note:**

> special mention to [eris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/markhyuck) for beta reading!

“You’re young!”

“I’m allowed to date!”

“When I was your age, I was still single!”

“You wouldn’t be if you didn’t spend it pining!”

Jaemin covered his face with both of his hands, ignoring the urge to fling his younger brother, Jisung, out through the window. Not that he could, what with him being in his university’s dorm and Jisung staying in the comfort of their parents’ house. Oh, how God was playing favorites. He saved Jisung by making them talk through Skype instead of face to face.

For some reason, the matriarch of the Na family had been pushing her two sons to finally get into relationships, which Jaemin found so fucking weird because usually that kind of wish was tied to the need to have a grandchild. If it was, there were three reasons why it would never ever happen. One, Jaemin was scared of kids because there was something about having a whole other human being dependent on him that was terrifying. Two, Jaemin could only cook for himself, not in the sense that his cooking was terrible (it’s fantastic, thank you.) but because he’d never been good at measuring how much was enough for more than himself. Lastly, Jisung scarred him for life.

But no, apparently Ms. Na she didn't want to have two losers for sons. Jaemin thought he wouldn’t be alone in this, but Jisung decided to be a traitor for the millionth time.

“See you on Saturday, Jaemin hyung!” Chenle said, sounding way too excited for Jaemin’s liking.

“Yay,” Jaemin mumbled as Chenle logged out of the video chat, leaving him alone with his devil of a brother.

“Where’s _my_ celebratory yay, hyung?” Jisung asked accusingly.

“Yay,” Jaemin repeated, holding his hands up and shaking them in a poor attempt to imitate an excited little kid.

Jisung scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You know, you can bring someone if you want. Highly doubt you have someone to ask right now but just putting it out there.”

Jaemin squinted as Jisung wiggled his eyebrows mischievously. “Look at you! You’re an annoying little shit! How did you get Chenle in the first place?”

“Well, you know, hyung,” Jisung started, a devilish smile on his face, “Chenle’s my best friend and I have feelings, so I decided to go and confess unlike you–”

“You know what? Stop,” Jaemin interrupted, rubbing his temples. Amazing how his little brother could give him a headache just by speaking. “I don’t want to hear that from a gremlin.”

“Okay, okay!” Jisung held his hands up. “Geez, I’m just trying to help you and your sad love life.”

Jaemin sighed as he resized the video screen and put it in the corner of his laptop’s screen, silently enjoying how diminutive Jisung looked unlike his real self. It took him a moment to find his homework—a file named asasasa tucked neatly between many other similarly-named files— and when he finally did, words upon words flooded his line of sight.

“It’s not sad if there’s no possibility of it happening in the first place,” Jaemin mumbled, keeping his gaze on his homework as his fingers glided across the keyboard, typing furiously. He kissed his teeth at the many red lines appearing on the document. He wasn’t sure whether he should stop and fix them or continue typing as if he was running out of time or from a statement.

“Hyung, we talked about this.”

Jaemin glanced at his younger brother, seeing concern all over his features despite his face covering not even a quarter of his laptop’s screen. It’s enough to bring him back to that midnight talk where he confessed to Jisung about his feelings for one of his best friends. Fitting, but Jaemin had stretched himself thin over this pipe dream.

“I know,” Jaemin said softly, giving him a quick smile before averting his gaze back to his homework, “I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, you know. But I think you deserve that sense of happiness that only Jeno hyung can give you. I love you and you’re everything to me sometimes—” Jaemin rolled his eyes “—But I would love to see my own brother smiling from something I know I can’t give him.”

It’s way too sweet for a video call session at eleven at night. Hell, it wasn’t supposed to go in this general direction. Everything started from Jaemin asking Jisung to accompany him until he was finally done with this stupid homework and – actually, what was he expecting? Jisung was like the shores on every beach in the world, strong and expected. He was fun and comfort mixed in the best way possible.

“Also, hyung, for once I think you should follow in my footsteps. I mean, look at me, getting the love of my life at the tender age of— “

“I can still tell mom about the time you impulsively bought oregano thinking it was weed.” Jaemin smirked triumphantly. “And how it’s from your own boyfriend.”

Jisung jutted out his bottom lips, a sign he had lost this round. “Continue pining, hyung.”

♡

The next day around lunch time, Jaemin indulged his friends with the story of his dispatch-worthy late-night video session with Jisung and Chenle. They sat at the very center of the cafeteria, with him next to Jeno, and Renjun and Donghyuck sitting across them respectively.

“Jisung’s got game,” Donghyuck said through a mouthful of fried rice, “Way better than his brother will ever be.”

“Shut up,” Jaemin gritted out without looking at him, poking at the chicken on his tray with his chopsticks. “Don’t drag my single ass. I’m just special, ok? I have specific requirements.”

Renjun swiveled his head to look at him so fast that Jaemin was not sure why his head was still attached to his body. Honestly, Huang Renjun looked like he was on the verge of burning him, his descendants, and maybe his ancestors too if he wanted to. Technically, he wasn’t going to have kids or even adopt, but there was a chance Jisung might. Those counted as his descendants, right? And he was annoying enough to get on Renjun’s nerves.

He waited patiently for Renjun to finish his food, and when he finally did, he braced himself. “Specific. Nice.”

Jaemin stared at him, not knowing if he should be disappointed at how anticlimactic it was or relieved for the safety of Jisung’s child.

Next to him, Jeno sighed, shaking his head slightly. “Ok, Jisung is taken and your mom asked Chenle to have dinner with her.” Jaemin nodded his head. “Lemme guess. She asked you to come and there’s a chance she’ll nag about how _you’re_ not taken?”

Donghyuck snorted. “A chance? Nope. Nada. Zilch. It’s gonna happen. Jaemin’s gonna have the best time of his life this Saturday night and I won’t be there to witness it.”

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you come and be my emotional support?” Jaemin challenged.

“Oh please.” Donghyuck pointed his chopsticks towards him. “Your mom practically knows how incompatible we are romantically. She’s seen me before and after puberty and how you haven’t dropped down and asked for my hand in marriage.”

“Probably because he’s whipped for someone else,” Renjun mumbled, sipping his cranberry juice and pointedly ignoring the glare Jaemin shot him.

“You can always skip,” Jeno said, “Your mom won’t hate you for it.”

Jaemin ruminated over Jeno’s words for a moment. “I would, but I kinda wanna celebrate this occasion. Seriously, I’m happy for Jisung and I wanna be there for him. I’m just not looking forward to my mom nagging at me. If one of you come, she’ll just go all ‘don’t you pity your friend here?’.” He said, making his voice higher to imitate his mother’s. “It won’t change anything.

Renjun hummed. “So, basically, you need a fake boyfriend?”

“…yes?”

“Great!” Donghyuck clasped his hands together. “Get your ass ready for a selfie. We’re joining Grindr. We’re commencing this operation after I’m done with the very first fried rice Jeno made for me.”

“Why, thank you.”

“Fucker, I’m hungry. It’s tasteless, by the way.”

“Anyways,” Renjun interjected, “Operation fake boyfriend, I agree. Grindr? Not so much. I was thinking of asking someone we know so it won’t be awkward. Easier to keep tabs on someone like that, yeah?”

Jaemin nodded. Jeno nodded. Donghyuck nodded. Yangyang nodded.

“Why are you here?” Jaemin asked tiredly.

“Can’t a guy say hello to his friends?” Yangyang replied breezily, shaking the food tray he was holding with both of his hands. “Anyways, you need a trophy boyfriend? I’m down. Call me, beep me, if ya wanna reach me.”

Jaemin swatted his hands as Yangyang walked away, similar to how his mom would swat a persistent fly back at home.

“Now that the menace is gone,” Jaemin started, “Any suggestions?”

“You know who I think should be your fake boyfriend?” Renjun said, “Lee Jeno over here.”

_Oh, hell no._ That was possibly the worst idea he had ever heard in his entire life. He wasn’t ready for what-ifs turning into reality, even for just a moment. Who was he? Cinderella? Getting everything he wanted until the clock struck midnight? Except there was no glass slipper to connect him back to the event from the previous night. The only thing he’d get from the night before was his own shattered glass heart. It’d be heartbreak because the next day he’d be back to being Jeno’s best friend. He trusted Jeno to still be there, but he didn’t trust himself to stay the same after it. It’d be nothing but a lifetime of lies, repression, and longing.

Jaemin opened his mouth to voice out his opinion but Jeno already beat him with a resounding, “Sure.”

Jaemin looked at Jeno with an alarmed expression as Donghyuck choked on his fried rice. Renjun merely raised an eyebrow.

“You can’t be serious.” Jaemin breathed out.

“Why? You don’t want me to?”

_No! _he wanted to scream. _I want you to be mine for real! _He wanted to add. But he bit the inside of his cheeks because as if he would say those words out loud.

But really, now was not the time to think about his stupid mouth and how it was ready to blurt out his feelings. It was time for him to think about how Lee fucking Jeno suddenly agreed to Renjun’s plan. Not to discredit Renjun, of course, but he didn’t think Jeno would even agree with something like that.

“Well, no.” Jaemin hated how his voice turned meek. “But don’t you have to take Bongshik to the vet in the afternoon?”

Jeno shrugged. “I do, but that means I can come to your place later. I hope you don’t mind if I come late.”

“I wouldn’t but really you don’t have to force yourself. Say hi to Bongshik for me and don’t forget to—"

“Jaemin,” Jeno stopped him, voice way too soft from how it usually was. “It’s you. I would.”

This was too much. It was getting hard to breathe and Jaemin didn’t want to entertain his hopeless mind again. He certainly didn’t ask to feel all wonderful and shy in his university’s cafeteria, but Jeno always had a spell on him that he honestly didn’t want to break free from.

“Let me help you,” Jeno said sincerely. It’s not the first time Jaemin had seen him like this. Come to think of it, anyone would feel loved from receiving the verbal equivalent of (platonic!) heart eyes.

Still, Jaemin screamed internally. Jeno’s intention was to pretend to be his boyfriend as a _friend_. It was not permanent and wouldn’t ever be. The word _no _was already on the tip of his tongue, searing and heavy. He wasn’t sure if he could handle reality and dream mixing together for a few hours.

But fuck if he didn’t wanna know how it would feel like for just one night.

“Okay.”

♡

It had been around thirty minutes since Jaemin had opened his illegally gained e-book, and now all the words on his screen were starting to blur together.

He sat there on his bed, laptop placed neatly on his thighs as his eyes scanned through the same paragraph for the second time. Seriously, he couldn’t care less about the materials he needed to read right now, but of course he had to fake it so he’d get into a good company and earn lots and lots money, settling himself for life. Either that, or he could find someone who already had a lot of money to begin with and live a comfortable life. It was either his brains or his looks that’d get him far in life.

Tests were always stupid to Jaemin, but according to his lecturer this one counted towards almost half of his overall grade. Usually he’d ask Jisung to accompany him like yesterday, but the little devil was canoodling somewhere with his new boyfriend. They were probably sharing a vanilla sundae with one straw in some weird ice cream parlour. Ew.

Of course, that led him to his second choice of company.

He glanced at the only other person currently in his dorm room. There was Jeno, all focused and hunched pose, who didn’t seem to be affected by his bright as hell laptop screen. He occupied his study desk, laptop on the table and his notes scattered around it. Two coffees were placed next to one of his notes, and Jaemin wasn’t surprised to see that Jeno finished the drink he bought for him despite how strong it was for him. Friendship at its finest.

Saturday immediately appeared in his mind, reminding him of the weird plan that Renjun somehow managed to rope him and Jeno to do. It was like all the fake dating stories he had seen in a lot of romcom movies. In the end, it wasn’t real, but it was hard to push away the thought that in another world, maybe things could’ve gone right. Maybe he would have finally listened to what Jisung, Donghyuck, and Renjun had been telling him to do and just fucking confessed. Maybe Jeno did feel the same way and would accept his feelings. Maybe this world he was living in was just a figment of his imagination. Maybe he wouldn’t have to deal with repression and wishful thinking any longer.

“Jaemin?”

It took him a moment to register that Jeno had been looking back at him with concern.

Jeno’s voice got softer. “What are you thinking about?”

Curse Jeno and his ability to read him perfectly. He could lie, and maybe Jeno would let it slide and they’d go back to their readings again. It was a good idea, yes, but Jaemin had seriously lost the ability to be fully truthful about everything other than his feelings to him since a long time ago. Might as well go for it. If Jeno somehow caught wind of it, then he’d just refrain from correcting whatever conclusion he had reached.

“The dinner,” He replied, throat dry from only telling the half of the truth.

“Okay.” Jeno put his laptop on sleep mode and turned the chair around, facing its owner. “What about it?”

Jaemin closed his laptop, scooted to the edge of his bed, and bent down to put it on the floor before flopping back against his green bed sheet.

“I was thinking we should make a cover story?” Jaemin said, his voice sounding so unconvincing he internally screamed at himself.

Thankfully, he heard Jeno stifling a chuckle. Damn, he should be an actor at this rate.

“Cover story?” Jeno repeated, amused.

“Yeah!” Jaemin exclaimed while keeping his gaze fixated on his ceiling, his usual bravado coming back to him a little. “We need to be convincing or else my mom might ban you from my house. Lee Jeno is willing to lie for his best friend? Loyalty at its finest but still morally wrong!”

He could hear Jeno’s laughter from the other side of the room. Cute. He’d want to hear it again. “Is this really necessary? I’ve known you for almost half of my life.”

Jaemin propped himself up on his elbows, giving him an unamused look. “Jeno, what if we say something different when my mom asks me when we got together and how. This is just a safety measure.”

“Should I bring you flowers for our dinner later, your highness? I remember your mom being a hopeless romantic like you.”

“You’re really getting into this role. I love it! Bring something that shows your undying love for me.”

“Yeah, I’ll get you a plastic rose. It’s fake but technically it won’t die, am I right?”

Jaemin scoffed. “You know, if you’re going to pretend to be my boyfriend, you should actually be nice to me.”

At that, Jeno raised his hands in defeat and shook his head. “Don’t worry. It’s not that hard.”

_Wait, what_. Okay, that was weird. Jaemin furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean by that, Lee Jeno?”

Jeno waved his hand nonchalantly before standing up, striding through Jaemin’s room and sitting right next to him. Jaemin felt how his mattress dipped under Jeno’s weight, and his face burned when he realized their knees were touching each other’s.

“Anyways.” Jeno gave him the sweetest smile that he had ever received in his whole entire life. “Cover story?”

It was simple to think of a cover story. Jeno wasn’t exaggerating when he said they had known each other for almost half of their life. Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno had known each other the moment Jaemin decided that the shy nerd sitting alone in his homeroom class was going to be his friend because, of course, he needed friends. Maybe he had somehow annoyed Jeno into being friends with him, but then again, it somehow lasted until this very moment. Perhaps there was something about him that Jeno thought was worthwhile having around.

Soon, Jeno was always there. Not in a sense that Jaemin saw him twenty-four hours per day but in a sense that his presence was overwhelming, starting from the conscious to the subconscious level. Seeing him in at school was expected, but then he started appearing at times even when they didn’t share the same homeroom class, and somewhere along the way they started spending their free time together. Milestones such as birthdays and graduations were spent together, and it had come to the point where they were inseparable and to them, one wasn’t complete without the other

(There were fireworks when he realized that yeah, maybe he wanted to be something more with Jeno. Maybe it was love at first sight. Maybe Jaemin had been a fool all along. Whatever it was, when the revelation came crashing down on him, Jaemin let his whole being, still and heavy, drown in an ocean of gasoline, waiting for some stray lit match to plunge in his direction and set the ocean on fire. He didn't care if his body turned into ashes, what mattered was his soul disintegrating into nothingness.)

“So, we realized we had romantic feelings a few months before graduating high school and we both kinda let it slide because both of us aren’t sure if we’re going to the same university.” Jeno recited perfectly as if it was an actual memory from the past, “But then we did, and we decided to try going on dates before being exclusive with each other.”

Jaemin smiled, enjoying how indulgent Jeno was being as his mind wandered to an alternate universe where it did happen. “Sounds like a good story.”

It was. It sounded like a good bedtime story that sixteen-year-old Jaemin would love to hear. Actually, his current self would still love it too. He just wished it was based on real experience, not a fabricated one.

Jaemin let his head drop on his bed, eyes half-lidded. “I’m getting sleepy. Don’t leave me.” _Now or ever_.

The touch on his scalp and the fingers carded between the strands of his hair were calming to his nerves, and it was enough to lull him into a deep slumber, but it ignited some semblance of bravery inside of him. Gingerly, he scooted closer, enjoying the contact between the side of his arms and Jeno’s faded jeans. If he were braver, he would probably push Jeno down so they’d lying together side by side. It seemed nice. But then Jeno looked down at him with stars in his eyes and litanies on his lips and honestly this was infinitely better.

“Sleep, then. I’ll still be here.”

♡

The next few days, Jaemin had tests, papers, and his lecturers hovering over him, making everything else unimportant. There were a few cases where he was ready to bolt from the classroom and run to the bathroom, but through sheer willpower and Jeno gently patting his back, he managed to keep himself calm and collected. Still, it shouldn’t be a surprise that the moment Saturday morning arrived, he immediately bolted from his dorm room, started his car, and drove to the only place where he didn’t need to cook his lunch and dinner.

Annoyingly, Jisung wasn’t home when he arrived. Jaemin wanted to try his new Nintendo switch but his mom told him that the little fucker was having a sleepover at his friend’s place and even brought it with him. It was yet another sad afternoon session of playing online cards against humanity with Donghyuck and Renjun. Jeno sending him a picture of him and Bongshik together at the vet was probably one of the better things that happened to him that afternoon.

“Honey!” His mother’s voice called out through his bedroom door. “Dinner’s ready!”

Well, it was time.

He sent a quick goodbye to Donghyuck and Renjun before exiting the game and turning off his laptop, taking a deep breath and learning back against his chair. Honestly, he needed Jisung ASAP. Where did his emotional support little brother go? God, Jeno was supposed to be his emotional support for today but nope, feelings were involved.

He didn’t dare to open Jeno’s text, opting to see its content through the notification center but not wanting to put him on read. He’d probably think that Jaemin’s helping his mom right now, which he would but his mom didn’t call him at all the whole day until earlier. Jeno had always had an unwarranted high opinion of him.

“Jaemin!”

“Coming, mom!” He replied, bolting out of his room. He dragged his feet across the hallway, half excited about the thought of knowing he finally got to see Jisung and Chenle but also dreading the dinner’s impromptu guest.

When he arrived at the dining room, the dishes were already neatly laid out on the table. Jisung was already sitting with the guest of honor next to him, his arm draped around his shoulders. Ew.

Chenle was the first one to notice his appearance, giving him a quick wave and a loud, “Hi, Jaemin hyung!”

“Hey,” He greeted back as he slid down on the chair across of him, “Congrats on getting Jisung. I hope he’s worth it. If you need anything from him, bribe him with juice boxes.”

“Hey!”

Chenle nodded as if he finally got the secret of the universe. “Tell me more. Actually, let’s talk about me and Jisung first.”

It was Jisung and Chenle’s time to entertain him with the story of how they got together, how Jisung decided to court the wee wounded exchange student he didn’t dare to heartlessly walk past during his first day. Jaemin wouldn’t say it outright but he had already accepted Chenle the moment Jisung brought him home for the first time. Jisung wiggled in his seat too much as Chenle tried his best to speak in Korean, looking at him with doe-eyes and wonder.

Now, Chenle was more than capable of filling in the blanks his past self would leave whenever he forgot a word or how to construct a sentence in a grammatically correct way. Jaemin listened patiently as Jisung left momentarily, only concentrating on him. Chenle was adorable, after all, and he had a feeling Jisung would keep him for a long time.

Then, Jisung came back with gaping mouth and the most offended face Jaemin had seen in his entire life. Soon, Jeno appeared behind him, and Jisung’s next words made him realize that this was the start of something bad.

“Why didn’t you tell me you finally got together with Jeno hyung?!”

Damn, he forgot to tell Jisung.

Jaemin watched helplessly as Jisung eagerly pointed at the empty seat next to him before going back to his original spot. Quickly, Jeno settled himself down next to Jaemin, fingers brushing slightly against his.

“Holy shit, this is finally happening—”

“Language, Jisung!” His mom screamed from the kitchen.

“—I don’t have to deal with your pining anymore.” Jisung then turned his head towards Jeno. “Hyung, how did this happen? Why am I just learning of this? Did Jaemin hyung ask you to keep this a secret so he could upstage me today?”

“Maybe,” Jeno answered cheekily. Jaemin had to ignore how he just scooted their seat closer, their shoulders touching each others’.

“You know what? I’ll let it slide. Do you know how many times I had to hear Jaemin hyung go all ‘Jisung! What if I ruin our relationship? What if we’re not friends anymore?’ and blablabla. Do you know how many times I sat down and just told him to confess to you?”

The temperature of his face kept rising the longer Jisung spoke. “Jisung.”

“And now you’re here! Probably gonna ask for mom’s permission because I highly doubt this is a recent thing.”

Jaemin opened his mouth but for the second time this week Jeno beat him to it. “No, not really. We’ve been going on dates since the semester started.”

This time, Jaemin looked at Jeno, blinking in confusion at how perfectly calm and composed Jeno was being right now. He didn’t even look back at him. It was like everything Jisung told him didn’t faze him at all.

And now Jaemin was curious about what was inside of Jeno’s head. Was he angry? Confused? Suddenly, the distance between them was far too close, far too dangerous, and far too suffocating for him. Doubts and fears piled on the back of his head, coming together to form—

His train of thoughts came to an abrupt stop as he felt fingers slipping between the gap of his own underneath the table and holding his hand tightly. When he finally registered it fully, alarms started going off in Jaemin’s head as he forced himself to look at the hand’s owner. Determination was written all over Jeno’s face, a sight Jaemin had seen whenever he was concentrating on something or had made a decision.

Jaemin wanted to slip away but Jeno was not letting him go.

“Obligatory sibling threat. Hurt my brother’s heart and I’ll beat you up.” Jisung clenched his fists and lifted them up, mimicking every generic character from the fighter games he and Jaemin played together.

For a moment, Jaemin let himself calm down, letting out an amused noise at Jisung’s words. Well, at least there was someone willing to defend his honor.

He heard his mother’s footsteps. “No violence in this house, boys!” she said as she stepped into the room, sending Jeno a kind smile as she took a seat between the four boys. She quickly glanced at Jaemin and Jeno. “Now, I’ve heard everything from the kitchen, but I want to talk to Chenle first.”

Jaemin swore he didn’t whine when Jeno let go of their hands.

Dinner went slowly, much to Jaemin’s chagrin. He tuned out the conversation between his mom, Jisung, and Jeno as he gobbled up his mom’s cooking with some finesse. Jeno occasionally chipped in and put in his two cents but that was just him being his usual self. From when he did decide to pay attention, it was almost the same conversation he had with the new couple a few moments ago. Well, he certainly didn’t need to hear about Jisung and Chenle’s fairy tale romance again.

“Now, you two.” She pointed at Jaemin and Jeno. “Endgame.”

_Mom, why. _Jaemin thought to himself before saying it out loud.

“I thought you’d be happy?” She asked, “You can hide a lot of things from me, but some are just too obvious to not notice.”

_Well, shit_.

He wanted to scream and maybe ask her to stop talking if it were possible, but Jaemin had never seen his mother this happy before. It was almost as if his good grades from middle school and high school meant nothing.

“Jeno, sweetie, I’ve been dying to see you and my son together,” She said, completely unaware of how embarrassing that sounded to Jaemin, “Honestly, I thought today would be the day I should knock some senses to him but I guess he’s finally grown up a bit.”

“I told Chenle we would get married first.” Jisung sipped his drink. “Guess we’ll see who has the best ceremony later.”

“Jisung, that doesn’t make any sense.” Jaemin snorted. It took him a while to realize it was the first time he spoke a full sentence since Jeno arrived.

“But I’m right,” Jisung pointed out, “I was mentally preparing myself to be Jaemin hyung’s walking boyhood diary for the rest of my life.”

“Well,” Jeno drawled, “You can stop doing that, Jisung. Jaemin and I are still gonna be together when this dinner ends.”

For a split second, Jaemin forgot how to breathe, blood pounding in his ears. Inside of him, the Earth moved and realigned, slow but inevitable, bringing forth a whole new realm to explore. It felt right.

Still, he needed another thread to hang onto. Just one more and he’d be sure of everything.

Mrs. Na broke the silence. “You sound so sure.”

Jeno put down his chopsticks, clearing his throat. “I am. Jaemin and I have been friends for a long time and it’s a conscious choice of mine to let it stretch as long as it can. Not really sure how and when it turned into something more but—” He stopped, and for one, unreal moment he glanced at Jaemin. “At the end of the day, I’d still pick him. It’s not just feelings. There’s also commitment. Of course, he doesn’t need to answer now or force himself into something this big. I just want him to know that my intentions have always been like this, for a while. I hope that no matter how it’ll end up, he’ll still be with me.”

It was a bold statement. There were guts and freedom revolving it and more infused in that sentence. But Jaemin loved it. And he would be there. Oh, he would. It wasn’t a promise, it was an oath. A soothing and yet exhilarating feeling piled behind his head, condensed into a new layer of Earth that laid flat in Jaemin’s mind, protecting him from uncertainty.

Soon, it was time for Chenle to go home. Jisung excused himself to walk him out, which made his mother coo affectionately.

As soon as she walked out of the dining room, Jaemin didn’t waste any time. The moment he turned his head, Jeno was already staring back at him.

“We need to talk.”

Jeno tilted his head a bit and gave him a promising smile. “Of course.”

♡

Late night excursions had always been a thing in Jaemin’s life. It all started when he rode to the convenience store in the next neighborhood because the ones nearby didn’t have his favorite snack. Then, there was his ‘zombies are real!’ phase, where he went to the nearby cemetery and chanted grammatically incorrect Latin almost every night. That, and all the moments he and the gang sneaked out before high school graduation because they wouldn’t be able to spend more time together (Jokes on them, though, they ended up going to the same university fucking losers).

Now, he was sitting on his house’s rooftop right next to his– best friend? Ah, right, they were here to talk about that.

Jaemin sat still, hands fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he forced himself to look at his neighbor's rooftop with the moon hanging high in the sky. Jeno loudly slurped from the juice box he took from the fridge, breaking the mystical and magical vibe that Jaemin secretly wanted the whole situation to have. Stupid Jeno and his–

He was stalling. Of course, he was. There were a lot of things to unpack here. Could you blame him? It wasn’t fair to begin with.

It wasn’t in his control. Something had shifted as soon as dinner ended. The ocean had evaporated, the ground crumbled, and the laws of the universe were rewritten as soon as the last deity was dethroned. It was all impossible and opposing, something you’d find in both the holy scriptures and a teenager’s love letter. Fitting, really. Lee Jeno was everything he thought would happen if the universe decided to give him the romantic comedy cliched plot Jisung secretly loved, and what he would find if he ever decided to unravel all the mysteries the galaxy held dearly.

Jaemin was content with him and Jeno being a what-if situation. He had perfected the art of pining since he was fifteen. It’s ok. It was just wishful thinking caused by his emotions. No big deal.

But now they were here and_ what was he supposed to do in this situation?_

“What are you thinking about?”

Jaemin broke out of his trance when his– best friend’s? – familiar voice filled his ears. He gulped, steeling himself before turning his head and—

There was Lee Jeno with his blonde hair, looking stupidly attractive it was almost impossible for Jaemin to not get a heart attack. There was promise in his eyes and conclusion on his lips, and Jaemin hated how _familiar _it was. It was so obvious; Jaemin wanted to know how long he had been so blinded by his intrusive thoughts to not realize it. The speech Jeno made unraveled all the knots in his head.

It was almost as if he wasn’t sure that that this was happening right in front of his eyes. He wasn’t blind, but what did he expect from someone who didn’t think they’d have someone they could call their own? Someone they could call their own sweetheart? It wasn’t like Jaemin thought he’d find someone like that in his lifetime. It was reserved for someone like Renjun maybe.

Jaemin almost dove back into his thoughts until Jeno repeated his question.

“You,” He replied, not realizing how tight his throat was until now, “Us. Everything.”

Jeno chuckled. “Keep it up and I might finish all of Jisung’s juice boxes.”

“You know what? Go for it.”

Jeno raised an eyebrow. “Is that what you want?”

It was a simple question and Jaemin would answer with a _yes, you gorgeous human being you’re giving me a mental concussion just by standing next to me please go away you’re gonna kill me I wanna breathe normally _if it were in any other situation. But this wasn’t any other situation. Right now, he had to admit that wanted to be with Lee Jeno since the beginning of time. Earlier, Jeno didn’t let him go and now why should he?

“No,” He answered, shaking his head. He moved closer to Jeno. "I want you. I want us,” He breathed out with finality, something he thought he wouldn’t ever do in his entire life and probably never would’ve done in front of Jeno. But God he should had done this sooner. The weight on his chest slowly dissipating worked wonders on his sanity.

Jaemin cupped Jeno’s face with his hands, both of his thumbs caressing his cheekbones. Jeno stood still, his breathing hitched, before melting into the touch, stars enveloping his half-lidded eyes.

“This is real,” Jaemin murmured, breathless.

Jeno cracked a smile, looking more content. “Still doubting me?”

Yes, he wanted to say. He really did. But it’s not what he or anyone would say after getting a confession in front of his own damn family.

Jeno’s eyes wandered downward, and Jaemin’s lips tingled from the gesture. “Staring at my lips, huh?” he teased, positively excited but not letting Jeno off the hook even at this moment. “Kiss me.”

“You sure? I’m not planning to get a high-paying job.”

He said that, but that didn’t stop his hands from reaching out and to grip onto Jaemin’s sides loosely. His eyes were questioning.

“Kiss me, anyway.”

He asked for it, but he still cried for help when Jeno’s grip tightened and the distance between them slowly disappeared. He wanted to cry even more when Jeno’s breaths hit his skin, awakening something new and scary but not entirely unwelcome. Something cracked when Jeno placed a quick peck on the skin between his eyebrows before leaning back and letting his eyes rake over Jaemin’s face. It turned into a large-scale catastrophe when their lips finally collided. Jaemin cried to whoever was listening to him right now as his heart soared so intensely it might as well have stopped.

He was in love, so in love, madly in love. A hurricane appeared in his heart and brought chaos to everything Jaemin held inside, splitting him open with hope and determination for something that once upon a time was a pipe dream.

And yet it was real. It was unbelievable and yet Jeno was there and they were both together and it was not something that he thought would ever happen. If it was, then Jaemin had been dreaming for a long time, then. Maybe he was in a coma right now.

“Again?” Jeno asked boldly when they parted for air.

If Jaemin was Jeno, he would consider their second kiss the best thing he had ever received, but he wasn’t and if Jeno thought it wasn’t enough then Jaemin wouldn’t mind indulging in his new boyfriend’s wishes. He had a lifetime, after all.


End file.
